Multiples Faux Pas

13 Nov

Having multiples makes you the pide-piper of grannies and all curious people. When I go out in public, if I actually want to get anything done while I’m out, I literally have to put my head down and just walk. And even then, I swear to you, that grannies have some kind of radar for multiples and they flock from all ends of the shops to oodle and aww over my twins! I realize that grannies probably oodle over singleton babies as well but it’s actually ridiculous how much of my time is eaten up with answering peoples millions of questions about my twins. If I had a dime for every time I was asked these three faux pa questions I’d be a rich Momma!: 

1) “Are they twins?” No, I just love dressing my babies, who ‘happen’ to be the same age, just alike. Ok look, I do realize that some woman dress their children in the same outfits regardless of their age/s… but I’d still be rich if I got money every time someone asked me this.
2) “What are they?” (referring to their sex) 
One of these days someone’s going to catch me in a crap mood and I’m going to absolutely go crazy on them when they ask this. See, I make a point of dressing my girls in head to toe pink or purple when I take them out. Because they don’t have hair right now, color is the only non-verbal form of communication that can distinguish their sex. And so, when people come to ooh and aww and while starring at them dressed in pink dresses with pink flower head bands and pink blankets STILL ask me “what are they?” I actually want to scream “ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? IF YOU CAN’T DEDUCTIVELY REASON THAT ONE, YOU DON’T DESERVE TO KNOW THE ANSWER.” 

(Some of the various outfits I’ve taken my girls out in and been asked this.)

3)”Where they natural or fertility twins?”
I have no idea when a complete strangers fertility became a socially acceptable thing to discuss… oh yah, IT ISN’T! I do not mind answering this question for anyone that is actually my friend or maybe even a stranger who has full conversation with me and politely works it in somehow, like “Where you expecting to have multiples or was it a complete surprise?” At least that a delicate way of asking a sensitive thing. But I find it so rude when people ask this as the second sentence they’ve ever spoken to me before. 

Obviously, if you read my post “The Discovery of Twins” you’ll know that mine where “natural”. But I am firm believer that we multiple moms have to stick together cause we’re in a very special boat of our own and for most woman, if they struggle to conceive it is a very tough thing for them and a sensitive subject. So why ask? Why, potentially, put your finger in someone’s wound? Why can’t we just stop at celebrating the miracle of multiples? Cause whether those babies where conceived through the front door or the window, any woman who carries more than one baby in her stomach at once deserves a medal of honor! The point is not how they were conceived but that they are an absolute miracle and that the woman who carried them and cares of them is hard core.  

 Other faux pas I regularly encounter as things like…

– People assuming that I’m having a difficult time just because I have more than one baby to care for. 
Assuming that they are difficult just because there’s two of them. 
Assuming that I never get sleep. Contrary to popular belief, multiples can be taught to sleep just like a singleton baby. Shocker, I know. 
Assuming that I didn’t breast feed because two is just to many to even attempt such a thing. (Which is ridiculous because I did breast feed them both, so it is very possible. It’s just like BF’ing one- sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t but you just have to give it a go.)  
Assuming that they are identical in every way. Sorry to bust another myth but just because my girls shared a womb doesn’t mean they are anything alike. And in fact, they are not in most ways. 

I have relatively come to grips with the fact that for the average person, any type of multiples is a completely fascinating thing. It is seen as this mysterious, breath-taking thing that must be as different as the east is from the west. And to be honest, many times my mothering experiences are VERY different than my friends who have singletons… but many times it’s just the same. My babies still go through growth spurts just like theirs. They still poo crazy amounts of poo everywhere just like one baby would. I worry about them starting to teeth and wonder if they’re developing at a normal rate just like any mother with a singleton. 

It still irritates me sometimes that people can’t reign in their curiosity a bit more or think before they speak but most of the time I have the patience to politely ‘educate’ people about multiples and go around the same old mountain again. 


2 Responses to “Multiples Faux Pas”

  1. Amy November 13, 2010 at 6:52 pm #

    I love your blog! its honest, truthful and funny and as an aunt of twins, i can say that i fully agree with most statements! but some i can't agree with because i never breastfed them!!! You're an awesome wife, mother and, most importantly to me, friend! Keep going, i want to keep reading this even though i see you often…ok, love you…its just how we roll

  2. Nicole November 18, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

    Seriously! My twins are much easier than my 2nd singleton. Mostly because my twins are GOOD babies. They are happier than he was and sleep better than he did. My twins are much easier than I anticipated (I nurse them sometimes but pump and bottle feed most of the time).But, let's give ourselves some credit. It does take some work to raise two at a time. Hats off to us!

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